will people hate me?

I have this fear..

that If I go to london too often 

everyone  I know will get sick of me..

or that everyone one day will think I am a bother...

Or that One day I'll ware myself out on london..

I don't ever want that to happen... spoil it for myself...

I don't why I think this way right now, 

but I am afraid that has become my new LA-

Like my obsession for british indie music nearly parallels my old obsession for ska and punk music...

But the obsession for ska and punk back then was fueled all too easily, to the point where One day I was in Silver Lake asked by someone, Hey do you want some free mouthwash?

I was like sure, and then I didn't get mouthwash, like mint liquid in a clear bottle. I was expecting a bottle of scope or listerine. I got something else instead. I have many more examples of that but I think allusion to that reveals enough.........

or: hey have you heard of "oscar"

me: what? the grouch? I'm too old to watch sesame street

other person giving me stuff: here

me: oh, thanks man

or: want some fat stuff?

me: sure

other person: yup here

An old friend recently said- its a good thing you don't know any "people" in london, and I know what she meant.....

because maybe if I did, I'd consume london more often? or it wouldn't be pretty.

truth is i am comfortable here in new york but i feel lonely a lot.

I have a lot of nice friends but it's  not the same. 

I can't explain it or maybe I think too much.